Collegio: A Synopsis

Collegio
A Synopsis
By Dr. Hayley Huber

Let me begin by stating that I’ve never seen the abbreviation for doctor perched so comfortably beside my name before. Actually, I’ve never seen it beside my name at all, comfy or not. It looks kind of nice. I think maybe I’ll go to college for six extra years just so I can add two little letters and a period to my title. In all truthfulness, I’d actually prefer to add three other letters and a different dot before my name—these letters you don’t have to go to school to get—but I guess that all that will happen in time.
You may be wondering why I decided to write this scholarly paper. If you are doing so at the moment, let me clear up a thing or two. And I shall use points, because they are sophisticated. 1.) I have the time. (Let me just insert here, that this tiny little statement may look rather common and inconspicuous, but is in reality a most unusual and mind-blowing assertion. Having said that, I shall resume.) 2.) I am feeling slightly dissatisfied with myself and with life at the moment, and rather than wallow in self pity—and extreme boredom—I’ve decided to make an attempt to cheer myself up. It is my greatest hope (and possibly a rather foolish one) that this long and high-worded, convoluted-sounding summation will cheer others up as well.
Now that I have discoursed on the way in which the ‘Dr.’ before my name makes me happy and the reasons why I decided to write this thing, I am running out of things to write about. Let me begin by saying (let me cut in on this sentence and draw your attention to the fact that I’ve said “let me” four—now five—times in the last three paragraphs. There are no psychological or literary implications to draw from my syntax so don’t strain your brains.) that I miss you all dreadfully. Dreadfully. (Repetition—in this case I am purposefully using repetition to convey to my readers a sense of great importance.) Dreadfully. (Have I conveyed enough? With the hopes that I indeed have, I continue…).
College is nice and all (and yes, I do realize that I am incredibly fortunate to be able to be here in this time in this place, knowing the people that I know, with plans God has formed for me stretching out into the distance. I know I am fortunate. Really. I’m just a little down and out right now. And I miss you all. Is that so wrong?) but it is significantly lacking in Eskimos, little sisters, Latinos, HP pals, kindred spirits, and parents. Oh, and dogs. And hamsters. (My hamster is still alive, right, Hannah?) And peach trees. And mountains which lend significantly to my sense of direction. And my room. My room. A moment of silence for my recently departed room. (Hahaha, yes that was a pun of sorts. You don’t have to like it.)
I know that I’ll survive here, but guys, I don’t want to survive. I want to thrive. (Yes, I made that up all by myself. I’m an English major. That sort of stuff just rolls of my tongue and plummets from my lips. Kind of like a grape or a pea.) Could you pray that I would live life like God desires me to? That I would be all that I am and learn to be more, rather than be content with less than who He’s made me to be? I love you all immensely and I think of you often. Thank you so much for being such positive influences in my life. Positive influences. What a lame idiom. With a wave of my magic English-Ed. wand I shall transform that lifeless and brittle phrase into something with depth and emotion.
Thank you so much for being such magnanimous paradigms in my life.
I love you. God bless you.

For the most part sincerely,
Hayley