A Tribute

I just wanted to take a moment and write a tribute to a topic (subject, theme, idea) near and dear to my heart.

Friends.
I like them.
They’re one of God’s neatest inventions and He has recently been blessing me with an amazing bunch of them.

Some of them are braver than me, and they challenge me and encourage me to step out and be bold in my faith or in other areas of my life. Some of them are at my level and we can work together, encouraging one another because we totally and completely understand what the other is going through. Some of them I can help. Some of them are nuts and when we part company my stomach muscles hurt from laughing and my cheeks from smiling. Some of them are like me and it’s really exciting to discover the crazy ways in which we’re similar. Some of them aren’t at all like me and discerning what makes them tick is awfully exciting. Some of them are “cluster friends” and I meet with them in groups. Some of them are my “loner friends” and we hang out by ourselves. Some of them are constantly introducing me to new friends. Some of them make me think. Some of them give me a welcome break from thinking. Some of them are my age. Some of them are not. Some share my beliefs while others have worldviews that don’t align with mine (teaching me it’s possible to love those I don’t agree with).

All of them are a gift from God. All of them were put in my life for a reason. All of them have blessed me. And I wanted to thank you all. Thanks. I love you guys!

The Thought of a Divided Heart

I have a thought which has been lying smoldering in my mind for at least a decade and which flares up now and again. This blaze sprung from the book of Malachi (and from the dark recesses of my sadly convoluted little mind). In summary, it is this: I do not want to be a lukewarm Christian.
Lately, I have begun to really realize the extent to which I am my greatest enemy. I always knew it, but it’s become more obvious these last couple of months. I feel kind of like I’ve got two opposing personalities (Gollum, anyone?). One part of me desires to desire to be passionate about God (no, that is not a typo). And the other part just doesn’t care. Or does care, but not enough. Actually, both sides don’t care enough. It’s very frustrating. One side of me wants to stand up to these sins that keep hindering me and blocking my path to God, and the other side is convinced that I will have more fun with my sins than with Christ. This side tends to think that serving Christ will be a burden—a thought which disconcerts my other side. One side is convinced I will never be brave enough, never be strong enough, never love God enough, never be the friend I want to be to Christ—and the other side is making an effort to disbelieve these convictions.

Here is what God, my Jesus has to say to me and to anyone else who may be struggling along these lines.
“Return to Me and I will return to you.” Malachi 3:7
“‘Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this’ says the Lord Almighty, ‘and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.’” Malachi 3:10
If we give Him what is His due (what He deserves to receive whether we want to give it to Him or not) He has promised bless us with such awesome power and goodness. “Throw open the floodgates of heaven…pour out so much blessing that you will not have room for it.” I love it.

So, this is for all you who are going through this trying time of lukewarmness. Let’s work, strive, pray to be lifted up out of it. “[We] can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.” Philippians 4:13.

A Soliloquy; Read and Be Amazed.

Can you spell mahogany?
Yes, but only with spell-check. Without spell-check, I would be nothing. I would be lost and doomed to stumble blindly about in a world of swirling mist. And if I stumbled about in a world of swirling mist I would be unable to see. Unable to find things. Which would tend to upset my delicate mental balance. I already can’t balance. It’s a shame, but it’s the truth. Maybe this is why I am afraid of heights? I also can’t open things—except for jars; I can open jars commendably using merely a combination of those sticky, grippy, jar-opening things and my God-given brawn. And perforated edges. I have a love-hate relationship with perforated edges. Who, I wonder, invented perforated edges? Who invented the word perforated? Noah Webster? Or is it Daniel Webster? One’s an orator and the other the dictionary-maker but I can’t for the life of me remember who’s who. Which is better, words or music? Words encompass everything, but music is so other-worldly. This question has been tormenting me for quite some time. This is the second biggest philosophical question of my life. I think it’s kind of neat how God has wired us to want to know. It shows how we’re made in His image. He knows. We yearn to know. There’s a parallel there. Parallels are pretty fabulous things. Like King Lear and Gloucester (pronounced gloss-ter, it has recently been determined. Actually, I’m not sure if it hasn’t been determined erroneously. Maybe it’s glouce, like louse. Hmm.). Being a director is tough. I feel bossy. When I was in elementary school, being bossy was like the worst possible sin you could commit. Where do these random memories come from? Why do certain smells trigger certain memories? My soap that I have now reminds me of the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. I couldn’t tell you why. Why does sugar taste good and algae taste bad? Algae has much less fat-potential. Why do my thoughts take so many strange digressions? Or is digression the correct word? Digression seems to have a negative connotation. The word connotation brings to mind Mr. Collins. Why have I not accomplished something with my day. Oh, dear, I forgot, my fish (Selkie) is in a temporary home waiting for the water to turn room temperature. He’s probably uncomfortable. I feel bad. I’ve got things to do, so I’ll stop now.

Heart-Throbs of the Mortal and The Immortal

I have thirty-five minutes to write before I have to teach a piano lesson, so, here we go…

Okay, boys (if there are any boys reading this), just as a heads-up, the context of the following paragraph may be highly feminine. I have no idea how the male mind works and if it has the same sort of thought digressions as the female mind, but even if it doesn’t (and you end up without a clue as to what I'm talking about) there will something for you to get out of this post, so hang in there. Now that I’ve disconcerted you all, I’ll begin.

Well, last night—actually, we must go back before that—About two weeks ago I became re-obsessed with a movie that I love. While watching this movie (and it’s sequel and it’s sequel’s sequel) a certain someone stirred the sleeping butterflies in my stomach. Last night I was watching as many videos of this certain someone as I could find on youtube, and, sigh, I fell head-over-heels in love. (Does this sort of thing happen to males? Or is it just the unfortunate females that have to deal with these ridiculous crushes? I really want to know.)
It is very upsetting for me when I fall for someone who doesn’t know I exist, wouldn’t care if he did (know I existed), doesn’t share my same morals, and is full of himself. Why, you ask, am I giving this person the time of the day? Good question. But anyways, I was talking to God last night—
Let me insert something here. Over the past few months I completely forgot that I can talk to God. Sure I pray to Him often, but I haven’t been talking to Him, and our relationship has been suffering because of it. I don’t have to ask, or thank, or praise God every time I open my mouth to pray to Him, I can just tell Him how I’m feeling, what I’m thinking, or wait for Him to talk back to me. I rediscovered this method of communication last night, and I am very excited. I’m now chewing His ear off. Anyways, back to the main point—
(I was talking to God last night) and I was telling Him about this love that I had and how it was making my heart hurt and how I felt idiotic for being in “love” (I realize now, in the revealing, confusion-clearing light of day, that it wasn’t love but idolization.). Goodness, but it really does hurt, doesn’t it? Weird. It sound's laughable now, but it wasn't during the time... So I was telling Him all this, and, instead of laughing at me, He talked back.
“Hayley,” He said, “I know how you feel. I love [--this certain someone--] in the same way you do. [--This certain someone--] doesn’t believe I exist. He doesn’t care I exist. His morals are in stark contrast to mine and his sins separate us. However, unlike you, Hayley, I created this young man. I died for this young man. I planned out each day of his illustrious life.
I love him far more than you love him.
But he does not love Me.
And My heart hurts as well.”

My movie-star isn’t the only one guilty of causing God this pain.
Augh.
Love God. Love movie-stars, but don’t love them in that way--love them with a Christ-like love.
(Hopefully I didn’t totally loose all you males. Sorry if I did.)
The end.

To Die and Then To Live

What on earth will it be like to die? To go into God’s presence? I know that thought kind of flits through our minds regularly, but have any of us really contemplated what that moment will be like? I know I haven’t grasped it. To be me—the same me that’s sitting here now with or without my physical body (whether I have it at our meeting or not depends on whether I’m still alive when Christ comes back, but, in any case, I’ll have it eventually)—and to be standing before my God and King. I don’t really think about it being me that goes up to heaven. In my mind I can see someone that is supposed to be me up there singing, walking, praising, laughing, dancing, doing what we’ll do in heaven, but it’s hard to really imagine myself there. I just imagine myself as a shadow of me. But no way am I going to be a shadow. I’ll be more of myself than I’ve ever been before. I’ll have a physical body. (Wait--that sounded weird. What I meant to say was, I'll have a physical body in heaven just like I had one on earth--but it will be better. Coolio.)
“What is sown is perishable, what is raised is imperishable…” 1 Corinthians 15:42.
Our souls were never perishable, so Paul must be speaking of our bodies. There are many other verses that confirm our bodies will rise (“Your dead shall live, their bodies shall rise.” Isaiah 26:19. We wait for “the redemption of our bodies…” Romans 8:23)

Why don’t we think about heaven more? About coming into God’s presence? That’s what life is ultimately all about. We are to live to glorify God so that when we enter His presence He will tell us “well done”. That is the climax of our earthly life. The peak, the pinnacle, the culmination of every moment we have lived. I am going to pray today that I might be given greater understanding of the life that this life is all about. We’re so focused about “now” that we forget how someday “now” will be swallowed up in heaven. I’m not saying that today and this life don’t matter, because obviously they do. I’m just saying that we need to “fix our eyes on what is ahead.”

That is all. I wish I knew some cool Latin phrase to say “that is all.” Ah, well.

A Zealous Flurry

Well, I had a thought and I wanted to get it out there before I became dispassionate. I was just at my girls Bible study, which lately has just been a lot of arguing (excuse me, “discussion”) about nitty gritty things (whether religious, political, or whatever). Today we argued—discussed—homosexuality and being a Christian. We went around and around and while it wasn’t all bad (I think I understand a few people more and know what I want to focus on now--this idea will eventually be the point of this blog, if I ever get around to it) there were some tears and bad feelings all around.
What I got out of the whole ordeal was this:
It doesn’t really matter what I think about another person—how I judge them in my heart—because ultimately, I’m human and therefore completely inadequate for that sort of thing. I need to leave that whole spectrum to God and take my attention away from others and what they do wrong and how I can fix them and I need to focus on myself.
I know it's cliché, but:
I can’t change anyone else. I can only change me. And, because this is my life, my job in this life is to change my life (I’m so articulately suave tonight). I can’t affect someone else’s life in a positive manner unless I have been changed by Christ.
So, I need to get off my high horse, stop being arrogant and stop looking for arguments (because I’m always the smartest one in the group, yes I am, you’d better believe it) and pray for humility and for the Holy Spirit to work in my life. I need to produce fruit so that people will see and glorify my King.

That’s all. I wrote this in a zealous flurry, so I hope that it makes sense. Sorry that I’ve been so off topic for my last couple of blogs. I’m going to try and remedy that.

Sheesh.

Marathons and Uncomplicated Points!

Well, don't I just feel like a little sticky wad on the bottom of a shoe for leaving you all without explanation for such a length of time. Let me express my sincerest apologies.
I am sorry.
Let me tell you a few good reasons why I have been so dreadfully absent (yay, points!)

1.) My computer has a virus and has been down for the past week or two.
2.) I'm stinkin' busy.
3.) I just haven't felt like writing.
4.) I've been obsessed with Lord of the Rings lately (this happens annually) and have been watching every bit of Lord of the Ring material I can get my hands on.

There you go. Now, let me catch you all up on the dreadfully exciting events of the most recent weeks of my life (more points!)

1.) I ran a marathon. My legs cramped up at mile 22 and I couldn't run--think charlie-horse, oh, dear--so I had to walk the last 4.2 miles. For some reason I got all emotional and when I got to an intersection in the road--this was a big road (Central for all you Albuquerque folk) and it was completely closed down--I had to ask the policeman which direction to go and he laughed at me. And I cried. Ho-hum. I wasn't even sad, I guess just exhaused. It was weird

2.) I am totally kicking a sin I have been struggle for a long time with in the butt. It's very exciting. God has been helping me immensely.

3.) I have been asked to star in an upcoming film alongside Elisha Wood and this very cute Scottish boy I saw in a movie once but never looked up his name... (No, honestly, I'd prefer the Scottish boy, I'm just a little Lord of the Rings-crazy right now. Anyways, Elisha is probably too short. Most boys are too short. Grow boys, grow! Ah, well.)

4.) I just lied and within a few moments my falsehood will be plastered on the internet for the world to see.

5.) I'm much too tired for such nonsense and must go to bed before I say any more stupid things.