The Thought of a Divided Heart

I have a thought which has been lying smoldering in my mind for at least a decade and which flares up now and again. This blaze sprung from the book of Malachi (and from the dark recesses of my sadly convoluted little mind). In summary, it is this: I do not want to be a lukewarm Christian.
Lately, I have begun to really realize the extent to which I am my greatest enemy. I always knew it, but it’s become more obvious these last couple of months. I feel kind of like I’ve got two opposing personalities (Gollum, anyone?). One part of me desires to desire to be passionate about God (no, that is not a typo). And the other part just doesn’t care. Or does care, but not enough. Actually, both sides don’t care enough. It’s very frustrating. One side of me wants to stand up to these sins that keep hindering me and blocking my path to God, and the other side is convinced that I will have more fun with my sins than with Christ. This side tends to think that serving Christ will be a burden—a thought which disconcerts my other side. One side is convinced I will never be brave enough, never be strong enough, never love God enough, never be the friend I want to be to Christ—and the other side is making an effort to disbelieve these convictions.

Here is what God, my Jesus has to say to me and to anyone else who may be struggling along these lines.
“Return to Me and I will return to you.” Malachi 3:7
“‘Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this’ says the Lord Almighty, ‘and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.’” Malachi 3:10
If we give Him what is His due (what He deserves to receive whether we want to give it to Him or not) He has promised bless us with such awesome power and goodness. “Throw open the floodgates of heaven…pour out so much blessing that you will not have room for it.” I love it.

So, this is for all you who are going through this trying time of lukewarmness. Let’s work, strive, pray to be lifted up out of it. “[We] can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.” Philippians 4:13.