King Lear; The Good, The Bad, and the Hilarious

Well, I think it’s time to introduce you all to the glamorous and slightly insane world of a Shakespearean director.
Okay, I lie.
It’s insanely mental, but not at all glamorous.
Here is a little peep-hole view of the strange and colorful world of thespians and the relationship between the directors and the directed.


Hayley: …And they couldn’t get the pool balls out of their mouths, so they had to go to the hospital and have their jaws dislocated.
Kent: I saw this guy put an eight ball in his mouth and--Huwegh! Swallow it--and then (da da da daa) regurgitate it!

King Lear: Howl, howl—I don’t have to howl four times, right? Look, look a mouse!

Hayley: Albany, you’re a frustrated duke, not a flustered housewife.

Hayley: Can you say that line with more…um, can you say it less, eh, hum…can you (waves hands vaguely)…you know…

Other director: Trail behind—
Hayley: Walk in front—
Other director: More sorrow.
Hayley: Laugh.
Other director: Step forward.
Hayley: Step back.

Hayley: Where’s Gloucester? And Cornwall. And Regan. And Goneril. And Albany.—Albany’s at home you say? Well, then, somebody call him up and ask him why he’s not here.
King Lear: Hi Albany, what were you planning on doing this afternoon? (Pause) Science fair project? (Glances nervously over at steaming director) Well—
Hayley: Tell him to come over now and I’ll help him finish his science project when we’re done. (Hayley grimaces. This is the ultimate sacrifice, as she hates science projects more than words can express.)

Hayley: So you’ll want to weave in front of Cordelia and behind Kent, over Lear and under Regan, twirl around Goneril all the while looking cynical, then step twice to the left and side step Cornwall (now you're jesting, but afraid. Terrified, yet jovial), jump forward twice and barely miss knocking into Gentleman number one, who you must give time to slip you a note, before you exit upstage left. Got that?

Here are some things I have learned:

1. Give a boy a sword and we’ll wander off the point, never to be recalled again.
2. A dead person is distracting.
3. Arguments happen, and when they do they must be speedily resolved with prayer. Otherwise you’re sunk.
4. When two people die in close proximity to one another it’s very difficult to keep it all from looking awkward.
5. A director with giggles is about as helpful as a toothbrush with no bristles.
6. The words director and perfectionist can never go in the same sentence.
7. It’s very sad when you decide you want to act, and wear a pretty dress, but know that you’ll end up backstage in black.
8. You must somehow go with the flow, all the while keeping a grip on the rudder.
9. Shakespeare talks too much.
10. It’s different, but not disagreeable, to shine through other people.

Anyways, I'm having a good time for the most part, and content with knowing I'm building character for the rest. We still need lots of prayer, so if you thought of it and you felt like shooting a quick one to God, it would be much appreciated. I desire this play to be all for His glory--gory deaths, drawn-out, slightly boring monologues, and all.