Hilda Hegla Von Witzershinenen

Well, I’m shooting off college applications as fast as I can, and so far I’ve only gotten one back. The nice people in the admissions office at Messiah College decided that they liked me. So now at least I have somewhere to go next year. But Pennsylvania is so far away! I’m a little homebody and I love being with my family, what on earth will happen when I can’t come home for months at a time? Does God want me to go so far away from my family? ~Sigh~ I think my imagination is about to run away with me (I’d never thought about it before, but that’s kind of a neat expression. Where will it take me?).

The curtain opens and we find Hayley sitting on the lower bunk of a bunk-bed. The walls are a drab yellowish-brown-muck color, the carpet is balding, and the curtains resemble those you’d find in a pediatrics office (a loud primary color sprinkled with squiggles). There is a tissue box on the bed beside her and wadded tissues litter the floor. She has a binder open before her and a pile of text books teeters beside her.

Hayley: Sniff, sniff. (Takes a tissue and blows and then begins reading from book.) ‘What is the square root of 456,897,566,123 quatrillion zillion, multiplied by the sine of the angle of a pipe bent by a man with the strength proportional to that of a baby elephant that is stricken with the Purple Fungus Nile River Epilepsy, divided by the antilogarithm of a certain secret number known only to those who own trench coats? Graph your answer.’ (Dramatic pause, then wails) I don’t know! (Takes out another tissue and blows.) How I exceedingly wish that my dearest father were present to assist me with such woeful dilemmas! Or my loving mumsie who would weep with me in compassion! Or even my darling sister, who comprehends the dolefulness of trying scholastic quandaries.

Hayley’s roommate enters. Her height is about 6’ 7 and she weighs at least 400 pounds. Her neck is as thick as a tractor tire and her rather smallish head sports two braided pigtails. She wears a sleeveless ‘Lady Sausages’ wrestling t-shirt.

Hilda Helga Von Witzershinenen: (Her voice is deep.) I’m hungry. Go get me a sandwich. And when you get back you can do my homework.



I’m just messing around. Actually, I’m getting pretty excited for college. Anyways… I would encourage anyone who reads this to take a moment (five moments) and pray. Don’t talk. Just be with God. I’ve found that lots of times when I pray I just end up listening to myself speak. This way, I can avoid that problem. I feel like God enjoys it when I just sit with Him and leave the silence open for His words. I hope you all are having a fantastic night.