Crazy Love--You Might Not Finish This Post

Okay, so I’ve started a new book—I know some of you have read it because you’ve told me you have—called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Today I read chapter 2, entitled, “you might not finish this chapter.” I really needed to hear what this chapter said, and chances are nearly every single one of you needs to hear it too. In short:
Life is not about you.
Life is about God.
Your life could end before the day does.


Really truly think about this. Please. Spend as much time as you need in order to begin to comprehend those three statements (it’s Christmas break—what else do you have to do today, seriously?). We will die. We could die today. I know it’s hard to grasp. To me, I’ve never not existed. It’s a weird concept (in addition to being grammatically confusing).

What really got me, though was an essay written by a twelve year old. A twelve year old. Please read it. Let it sink in. Let it change the way you view today. Pray that any motivation it creates within you will be long-lasting.

“Since I Have My Life Before Me
By Brooke Bronkowski
I’ll live my life to the fullest. I’ll be happy. I’ll brighten up. I will be more joyful than I have ever been. I will be kind to others. I will loosen up. I will tell others about Christ. I will go on adventures and change the world. I will be bold and not change who I really am. I will have no troubles but instead help others with their troubles.
You see, I’ll be one of those people who live to be history makers at a young age. Oh, Ill have moments, good and bad, but I will wipe away the bad and only remember the good. In fact, that’s all I remember, just good moments, nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest.
I’ll be one of those people who go somewhere with a mission, an awesome plan, a world-changing plan, and nothing will hold me back. I’ll set an example for others, I will pray for direction. I have my life before me. I will give others the joy I have and God will give me more joy. I will do everything God tells me to do. I will follow the footsteps of God. I will do my best!!!"


I know that initially the idea of having to live today for God kind of bogged me down--it's kind of embarassing to admit, but it's the truth. Then I thought, I don’t have to, I get to. It’s a privilege. Really truly, it’s a gift.

I'm not going to apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable. I think we all need to feel uncomfortable often. How else are we ever going to change? I don't want to be sorry for bringing up Christ. I don't ever want to feel like maybe He doesn't belong in the conversation, situation, note, whatever. I'm done with that nonsense.
Today I will live in love with Christ and allow myself to overflow with whatever small knowledge I possess of His great love for me. Do the same!

Collegio: A Synopsis

Collegio
A Synopsis
By Dr. Hayley Huber

Let me begin by stating that I’ve never seen the abbreviation for doctor perched so comfortably beside my name before. Actually, I’ve never seen it beside my name at all, comfy or not. It looks kind of nice. I think maybe I’ll go to college for six extra years just so I can add two little letters and a period to my title. In all truthfulness, I’d actually prefer to add three other letters and a different dot before my name—these letters you don’t have to go to school to get—but I guess that all that will happen in time.
You may be wondering why I decided to write this scholarly paper. If you are doing so at the moment, let me clear up a thing or two. And I shall use points, because they are sophisticated. 1.) I have the time. (Let me just insert here, that this tiny little statement may look rather common and inconspicuous, but is in reality a most unusual and mind-blowing assertion. Having said that, I shall resume.) 2.) I am feeling slightly dissatisfied with myself and with life at the moment, and rather than wallow in self pity—and extreme boredom—I’ve decided to make an attempt to cheer myself up. It is my greatest hope (and possibly a rather foolish one) that this long and high-worded, convoluted-sounding summation will cheer others up as well.
Now that I have discoursed on the way in which the ‘Dr.’ before my name makes me happy and the reasons why I decided to write this thing, I am running out of things to write about. Let me begin by saying (let me cut in on this sentence and draw your attention to the fact that I’ve said “let me” four—now five—times in the last three paragraphs. There are no psychological or literary implications to draw from my syntax so don’t strain your brains.) that I miss you all dreadfully. Dreadfully. (Repetition—in this case I am purposefully using repetition to convey to my readers a sense of great importance.) Dreadfully. (Have I conveyed enough? With the hopes that I indeed have, I continue…).
College is nice and all (and yes, I do realize that I am incredibly fortunate to be able to be here in this time in this place, knowing the people that I know, with plans God has formed for me stretching out into the distance. I know I am fortunate. Really. I’m just a little down and out right now. And I miss you all. Is that so wrong?) but it is significantly lacking in Eskimos, little sisters, Latinos, HP pals, kindred spirits, and parents. Oh, and dogs. And hamsters. (My hamster is still alive, right, Hannah?) And peach trees. And mountains which lend significantly to my sense of direction. And my room. My room. A moment of silence for my recently departed room. (Hahaha, yes that was a pun of sorts. You don’t have to like it.)
I know that I’ll survive here, but guys, I don’t want to survive. I want to thrive. (Yes, I made that up all by myself. I’m an English major. That sort of stuff just rolls of my tongue and plummets from my lips. Kind of like a grape or a pea.) Could you pray that I would live life like God desires me to? That I would be all that I am and learn to be more, rather than be content with less than who He’s made me to be? I love you all immensely and I think of you often. Thank you so much for being such positive influences in my life. Positive influences. What a lame idiom. With a wave of my magic English-Ed. wand I shall transform that lifeless and brittle phrase into something with depth and emotion.
Thank you so much for being such magnanimous paradigms in my life.
I love you. God bless you.

For the most part sincerely,
Hayley

Just A Sampler

I leave in four days. I still have to pack three bags (and maybe my mom will let me stuff a few more things in her carry-on. That would be nice.). I need to spend more time understanding the strange and slightly over-my-head world of tuberculosis (wow! I spelled it right!) and foreign healthcare so that I can sound intelligent during our summer reading discussions. What is the conservative view on healthcare? Where can I find it? If I do find it, will I agree with it? Is it bad if I don’t agree with it entirely? Because it seems like what they were doing in Haiti was right. Good. Godly.

Tiana is gone. Tiana lives in a dorm. So does Faith. I will become a partner-in-dorm-life very soon. The thought is slightly depressing. And then exciting. Will everyone get athlete’s foot? I can’t stand watching people spit after brushing their teeth. I can’t stand it. Will I have time to be completely by myself? I really want the whole piece of chocolate cake, but I must not eat the whole piece of chocolate cake. I am mad at myself. I am frustrated. I am confused. I am comforted. I am aware that there are much bigger things—really—even though I am not entirely convinced.

I have now determined that it’s not just teenagers whose minds are so incredibly convoluted. That’s giving us too much credit—or too much blameworthiness (I bet you didn’t know that blameworthiness was a word). Life doesn’t get clearer—or easier—when you get older. Actually, I have the sinking suspicion that it just gets foggier and a little steeper.

I have a debit card. I have too many accounts. Too many pins. Too many passwords and usernames. I am old. Ancient. Positively medieval. Alice in Wonderland looks like it’s going to be too weird for me.

That’s all. Actually, that last sentence was a lie. There is very much more trapped within my head. This is just a sampler.

A Party and Sentimental Feelings

So yesterday I had my graduation/goodbye party. It was wonderful. My family worked very hard to make it so. Everything was arranged to perfection. There were bins for recycling, there were little twinkling lights, there were four extra tins of homemade enchiladas—visible proof of my family’s love for me. There was going to be a whole tray left of Ghirardelli brownies, but then my dog got to them. Now there is only half a tray of Ghirardelli brownies. But so is life…

Many of the people who I love and care for were there. And many of those who live far away sent beautiful letters (as my little sister requested so that she could create the sweetest scrapbook I’ve ever seen). I just want to express how blessed I feel. How very blessed I am. Thank you, God, for these people that you’ve given me—for these lives that You’ve intertwined with mine. Thank you.

Thank you, my spectacular friends. Thank you, my wonderful family. I love you.

The pieces are falling into place and in less than two and half weeks I’ll be headed to Grantham, Pennsylvania to try my hand at college life—ah! My blogs are about to get a whole lot more interesting…

Something Hard, Something Unexpected, Something Wonderful

Alright…prepare yourselves for a blog of epic proportions. This past week has been the strangest, most wonderful, weirdest, most confused bunch of days in my life. I feel like it’s lasted a month or two. I’ve talked to quite a few people about it, but I still haven’t gotten all my thoughts out—so now I will write to you. Let me begin at the beginning.

Last Saturday (the 13th) Hannah and I got on a plane and flew to San Pedro Sula, Honduras for a mission trip. I have to admit that for the first day or two I really didn’t want to be there. It was tough to see the things we saw and do the thing we did; I was disgusted with myself for this selfish behavior and also for the way I doubted God.

Then, on Monday when we did our first day of vacation Bible school with the kids at the state orphanage, Nueva Esperanza, I really started to enjoy what we were doing. I began to truly love the kids. I began to love my team (including our translators and bus driver). On Tuesday we took our little bus up to a new orphanage/school and had lunch with the kids there before we began work on digging a ditch in the hard clay (I still have the blisters to prove how hard I worked. I had fun. Maybe I’ll forget about college and dig ditches for a living. Maybe.).

That night we--the team and the translators—about eighteen of us in all--slept in the mission house provided by the orphanage. At 4:30 in the morning a masked, armed man came into the room Hannah and I were sleeping in with five other girls. He was in the room for about a half an hour. He had us give him our money, and then he rummaged through our stuff. He molested a girl. When we had the chance to run, we took it and woke up the rest of the house (which had stayed asleep for the entire event). One of the translators actually caught the man and grappled with him, and as a result was shot in the toe.

The day was full to the brim with waiting. Waiting for everyone to pack up. Waiting for the police. Waiting at the hospital. Waiting at the police station. Waiting for lunch. Waiting to check back in to the hotel room. We waited with mixed feelings of sadness and happiness at the thought of being sent home three days early (they flew us all home Thursday instead of Saturday).

If it sounds like a rough day, that’s because it was (I’m not going to lie), but that doesn’t mean that God was missing from a single part of it or that we were miserable for all of it. Because He wasn’t and we weren’t. During the day, in the days following, and even now I’m still looking back and finding new evidences of God’s presence in the experience.

He blessed every single one of us with incredible strength and peace (even in the presence of our enemies). He gave all of us joy and laughter (and stupid jokes). He proved to me once and for all that I truly do trust Him fully and believe wholly in Him. He gave me seventeen new friends (a few of whom I now feel like I’ve known for years and wouldn’t give up their friendships for the world). He drew all of us nearer to Him. He gave us a powerful testimony so that we may continue the work that we started: saving souls. He even gave us hope that we might get to return and finish what we left so incomplete. (As an added plus, Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife were praying for us personally. I just thought that was kind of neat.)

There were so many other things that He did—so many things that could have gone wrong or been worse. As someone said in an email to the team: “God allowed it to happen, but with very clear boundaries. This far and no farther...just as the Lord holds back the oceans from crossing too far over the shore. Nothing happens to God's children without God's permission.” It’s very true. I can vouch for it because I saw it with my own eyes.

There’s a bit more to this strange week that I don’t feel like talking about just yet—but it’s a good thing, I promise. It has been a bizarre week. A weird and wonderful week—to say the least.

Anyways…that’s it. I’m no longer as young or as innocent as I once was. I’m no longer as blind. But I still have a lot of things to work through. I’m not emotionally scarred or anything, I’m just struggling with little things like selfishness and crankiness and a feeling of let-down-ness and what-to-do-next-ness. I came off the mountaintop and now I’m in the valley (but don’t let me deceive you, it’s not completely dark down here and there’s company—God works here just as he does up there).

As further proof of God’s goodness, He put it on my heart before we left to memorize Psalm 23. I did, and it was (and still is) a comfort to have it hidden in my heart. Before I write it out here for you to read, let me just say:

Don’t forget that Jesus has overcome the world. Don’t forget that in Him we are more than conquerors. Don’t forget that if we have Jesus, we have no reason for fear. Don’t forget that He is good. Don’t forget that He is strong. Don’t forget that He is completely willing and totally capable of rescuing and protecting those He loves. Don’t forget that He loves us. And don’t back down.

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

A Psalm

You are God and there is no other.
You are mightier than the oceans—
For you are their Master.
You blow on the waters and they surge and churn.
You are mightier than the storm—
For it is yours, the work of Your hands.
You stand in the thunder,
You surround yourself with the lightning,
The wind and the rain lash around You,
But You remain unmoved.
There is no place You have not seen.
You have viewed the deepest trench,
Smiled upon the farthest star,
Known the souls of men.
You have utterly known the souls of men,
And yet You love us.
You look on us with compassion and pity.
You look on us with strength and power
And are fully prepared to lift us from
The filth and decay that is in and around us.
You are holy;
We can never fully comprehend You,
And by this we find comfort.
I love You, LORD.
To You alone my praise is due.
I will sing of Your glory when I wake
And when I lie down,
When I walk and when I rest.
You are holy.
You are God and there is no other.

No, I Have Not Died

I don't consider this a real post, I just want to let you know that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, or died, or lost the use of my fingers, or anything like that. What has happened is this: I've been writing a book for some time now and recently I've really started writing seriously. So now when I feel the urge to write I go straight to writing my story rather than begin blogging. I'm also trying to finish up highschool (two days left!--yikes), and I'm working a little bit at a swim shop, and I'm going to a lot of graduation parties, and I've taken up the violin in addition to piano, and I've become quite the exercise-aholic... Anyways... I'll start blogging again soon. I promise. Have a great night!